“Don’t Touch” — Addressing Sexual Taboos in the LDS Faith Part 1
Background — It Happened Again
The recurrent struggle with pornography and masturbation within the Latter-day Saint community is a poignant reminder of the complex interplay between faith, human sexuality, and personal challenges. In this chapter, we delve into the personal stories of those who have bravely confronted these challenges, seeking understanding and solutions within the framework of their faith.
As we delve into the complexities of dealing with pornography and masturbation within the LDS community, it is essential to recognize that while the struggle is profound, the solution can be surprisingly simple, effective, and importantly, sustainable. This chapter explores not just the struggle, but also the journey towards a resolution that eschews conventional methods like addiction recovery programs (ARP), 12-Step programs, or routine bishop visits, for a more direct, empathetic approach.
Personal Narratives: The Struggle for Spiritual Harmony
The experiences of a young man and a young woman who sought help in my office encapsulate a common narrative in our community. They both expressed a profound commitment to the teachings of Jesus Christ and diligently followed the guidance of their bishops. Yet, they found themselves trapped in a cycle of unwanted behavior, feeling a disconnect between their spiritual aspirations and personal struggles.
Kathryn Kirk's story is particularly illustrative. Since her late teens, she has grappled with these issues, consistently seeking guidance from church leaders and engaging deeply in spiritual practices such as prayer and fasting. Despite her unwavering faith and active participation in church responsibilities, including temple service, the challenge persisted, leading her to question the effectiveness of her efforts and the reality of her faith.
These stories highlight the need for a nuanced understanding of how members of the Church confront and cope with issues related to sexuality. They reveal the inner turmoil and emotional conflict that often accompany these struggles, challenging the conventional narratives of faith and obedience.
The Simplicity and Effectiveness of the Solution
In these cases, the solution to the struggles with pornography and masturbation lay not in extensive programs or repeated ecclesiastical interventions, but in straightforward, physical, spiritual, and emotional interventions. These solutions were effective even after just a few visits, marking a significant departure from the more traditional approaches.
This simplicity, however, does not undermine the emotional complexity of the journey. The emotional and spiritual healing accompanying these struggles often requires more time and patience. The process of overcoming deep-seated feelings of guilt, shame, and confusion can be gradual, even as the physical aspects of the behavior are addressed more swiftly.
The Impact on Individuals and Church Leaders
The effectiveness of these solutions has had a profound impact not only on the individuals struggling with these issues but also on church leaders. The story of a bishop from a large Young Single Adult (YSA) ward is particularly telling. Upon learning of this straightforward approach, he was moved to tears, expressing relief and gratitude for finally having something tangible to offer his struggling members. His reaction was a mix of joy and frustration — joy at discovering an effective solution and frustration that such an apparent resolution had eluded him due to the prevailing cultural paradigms.
This bishop's experience underscores a significant challenge within the LDS community — the need to shift our cultural understanding and approach to dealing with issues of sexuality. The prevailing attitudes and teachings, while well-intentioned, often lack the practical tools and understanding necessary to address these complex issues effectively.
Doctrinal and Cultural Context: Navigating the Complexities
Understanding the struggle with pornography and masturbation within the LDS community requires a deep dive into the doctrinal and cultural contexts. The Church's teachings on chastity and the sacred nature of the body form the doctrinal backbone of how sexuality is viewed within the faith. However, the interpretation and application of these teachings can vary, leading to diverse experiences among members.
The cultural aspect of this issue cannot be understated. In many LDS communities, there is a tendency to address matters of sexuality with a degree of reticence and caution, often stemming from a desire to uphold moral standards. This cultural backdrop can inadvertently contribute to feelings of shame and isolation for those struggling with these issues, making it difficult for them to seek help or openly discuss their experiences.
Emotional Landscape: Guilt, Shame, and Faith
The emotional landscape of individuals grappling with pornography and masturbation is complex and multifaceted. Feelings of guilt and shame are common, as members internalize the expectations of purity and chastity emphasized in Church teachings. These emotions can be exacerbated by the fear of judgment from others and the perception that their struggles reflect a lack of faith or moral failing.
However, as seen in the narratives of the individuals mentioned earlier, the struggle is often not indicative of a lack of faith. On the contrary, many of those who face these challenges demonstrate a deep commitment to their spiritual beliefs and a sincere desire to align their actions with their faith. This dichotomy between their spiritual aspirations and personal challenges creates a profound internal conflict that can be difficult to navigate.
Seeking Solutions: Beyond Traditional Approaches
The search for solutions to these challenges has led many, like Kathryn, to explore avenues beyond traditional church guidance. The integration of professional counseling, along with spiritual support, has shown promise in addressing the complexities of these issues. This holistic approach acknowledges the multifaceted nature of the struggle, combining spiritual guidance with practical strategies and psychological insights.
Professional counseling can offer a safe space for individuals to explore their feelings and behaviors without judgment, providing them with tools to understand and manage their impulses. This approach also allows for the exploration of underlying issues that may contribute to their struggles, such as emotional or psychological factors.
The Role of Church Leaders and the Community
The role of church leaders and the broader LDS community is critical in supporting individuals facing these challenges. Church leaders, including bishops and other ecclesiastical authorities, can provide spiritual guidance and support, helping individuals to understand their struggles within the context of Church teachings.
However, there is also a need for greater awareness and understanding within the community. Breaking the silence and taboo around discussions of sexuality and related challenges is essential in creating a more supportive and empathetic environment. This involves fostering open dialogues, reducing stigma, and providing education on these issues.
Cultural Paradigms and New Understandings
The reaction of the bishop and the success of the individuals discussed highlight a crucial point: there is often a gap between the cultural paradigms within the Church and the practical, effective solutions available. This gap can prevent both individuals and leaders from seeing and utilizing straightforward methods that could alleviate much of the struggle.
As we move forward, it is imperative to bridge this gap by fostering a cultural shift within the LDS community. This shift involves embracing a more open, informed approach to discussing and dealing with sexuality. It means moving away from fear-based strategies to ones grounded in compassion, understanding, and practical effectiveness.
Moving Forward: A Paradigm Shift
Moving forward requires a paradigm shift in how the LDS community approaches and understands the issues of pornography and masturbation. This shift involves replacing fear-based and misinformed strategies with approaches that are compassionate, informed, and effective. It calls for a balance between upholding doctrinal teachings and being sensitive to the personal journeys of individuals.
This chapter sets the stage for a deeper exploration of these issues, leading to subsequent chapters that delve into the historical and doctrinal context, examine cultural shifts, and present solutions that harmonize doctrinal teachings with compassionate and practical strategies. It is a journey towards greater understanding, empathy, and spiritual guidance, aiming to foster a healthy, faith-aligned understanding of sexuality and personal struggles.
Next Chapter:
2. Context Is Important: A Brief History Of Masturbation Beliefs Within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
TABLE OF CONTENTS: TL;DR — SUMMARY
0. INTRODUCTION
1. BACKGROUND — IT HAPPENED AGAIN: UNVEILING PERSONAL STORIES AND EXPERIENCES THAT BRING TO LIGHT THE RECURRING STRUGGLES WITHIN OUR COMMUNITY.
2. CONTEXT IS IMPORTANT: A BRIEF HISTORY OF MASTURBATION BELIEFS WITHIN THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS: TRACING THE HISTORICAL PERSPECTIVES ON MASTURBATION WITHIN THE CHURCH, PROVIDING A FOUNDATION FOR UNDERSTANDING PRESENT VIEWS.
3. CULTIVATING VERSUS CONDEMNING: EXAMINING THE BALANCE BETWEEN FOSTERING HEALTHY SEXUALITY AND ADDRESSING SPIRITUAL CONCERNS.
4. WHAT WENT WRONG?: IDENTIFYING SHIFTS AND CHANGES IN THE CHURCH'S APPROACH TO SEXUALITY AND ITS IMPACT ON MEMBERS.
5. A NEW CULTURE IS BORN: “DOCTRINE AND ADDICTION” AND RETURNING TO THE 1700S: EXPLORING THE INTERSECTION OF DOCTRINE, ADDICTION, AND THE RETURN TO EARLIER PERSPECTIVES IN MODERN CONTEXTS.
6. PURITY, MODESTY, AND MORAL AMBIGUITY: DISCUSSING THE CHALLENGES OF NAVIGATING SEXUAL MORALITY WITHIN THE FRAMEWORK OF LDS TEACHINGS.
7. SOLUTION: REAL SELF-MASTERY CULTIVATING SEXUALITY: PROPOSING PATHWAYS TOWARDS A HARMONIOUS UNDERSTANDING OF SEXUALITY AND FAITH.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
Facebook Group "Improving Intimacy in Mormon Marriages"
Blog, "Mormon Marriages"