"So. I am an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and have been my entire life. My struggles with pornography began in 2003 out of a mix of boredom and curiosity. For years now, I have felt like one day I would share my experiences, and that from the things that I've learned, that I would be able to perhaps help just one other person in their struggles. My intent is not to talk about the details of anything, but just how the gospel of Jesus Christ has and is changing me, and helping me through this painful addiction. If you are a woman who is struggling, or know of a woman who is struggling with pornography, let me know. I know that it is difficult, and I know that having someone to talk to can make all the difference in the world. So this is my attempt to reach out to you. If you are a single woman, you are in good company cause so am I. I don't know what it is like to have this struggle in marriage, but if you are married, hopefully there will be something here that can help you too." LDS Women Struggle Too Blog
This "LDS Woman" is a brave single adult woman and active member who contacted me about her addiction to pornography. She had been battling this persistent Goliath for many years, had seen her bishop many times, fasted, prayed and did everything right. But the desire and addiction wouldn't go away, and she would find herself back at square one again and again. Discouraged, frustrated and at times hopeless, this dear sister didn't know what else to do. No matter how hard she prayed, read her scriptures or how sincere her desire to rid her life of porn, it wouldn't go away. As a result, at times she would even question if her faith was sufficient. After all, if faith can move mountains why not rid her of her desire for porn? Additionally, as a woman addicted to porn in The Church, this provided its own difficulties.
If you are an Latter-day Saint woman struggling with porn in any form, you are not alone. I get it, we don't talk about Latter-day Saint woman addicted to porn in The Church. But I assure you, I have seen as many women as men who are struggling, and you are not alone. There is hope! The story of my client "LDS Woman" is a beautiful one. I encourage you to follow the link to her blog and follow her personal journey. I encourage you to seek her out and ask her questions. If you feel unworthy, unclean and ashamed, I would ask you, are those feelings bringing you closer to Father or further away? It is a common misconception that we must feel shame and guilt. Sorrow, yes, but not shame or guilt. Where shame and guilt are, hope can not prevail. Where there is no hope, despair and depression grow. You can be happy now, even in the mist of battling an addiction or an occasional viewing. Yes, you most definitely can be happy during the battle of your Goliath.
"An Unspoken Struggle" will be a series of blog posts that guide you in your battle, how to turn from shame toward hope, from despair toward courage and how to retain the beauty of intimacy and sexuality while untangling yourself from porn. Unlike most addictions and misuse, we don't want to destroy, avoid or suppress our heavenly gift of sexuality. Too many have "defeated" their Goliaths only to find a new problem when they get married. Intimacy is difficult, avoided or triggers past addictions.
If you have any specific thoughts, questions or curiosities that you'd like me to address, please contact me directly or in the comments section.
“I never thought a pornography addiction could be a girl’s problem. I was proved wrong when I was about 16 years old. I came across a video of pornography, and since I was alone and curious, I watched it. After that first time, I felt like I had to watch something every day. I became addicted to pornography.
Viewing pornography made me feel bad. I knew it was wrong, but I didn’t do anything to change. I was never happy, and I felt dirty and infected with Satan’s tempting filth. But I still found ways to watch it just so I could satisfy my appetite. My addiction led to more and more wrongdoings. I lied to everyone: my brother, my mother, and worst of all, the Lord and myself. I would tell myself that one more movie wasn’t going to hurt me, one more dirty story wouldn’t be that bad.” —"No Longer Addicted: My Journey to Overcome Pornography"